i promised simon and jurg awhile ago that i would write a basic guide on supersecret alts. then i got lazy. but then thrax said please. so here we go.


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WHY SHOULD YOU MAKE A SUPERSECRET ALT?
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i have some pet peeves surrounding this question. there have been a lot of "supersecret" alts that have been created for terribad reasons imo. in a recent bitchy email i sent to jurgen regarding how fucking lame @llona was, i outlined when i thought it was appropriate to play a supersecret alt. i could only come up with one scenario: if you want to prove to yourself that you are still good at kdice, but without all of your otf aid.

some people have created them because they want to erase all the bad history that they created on their old main accts. lame. if you want to erase that shit, then grow up and apologize, and change your style. people will accept you have changed after a month or two (which, incidentally, is much less time than what youll have to invest into creating a successful supersecret alt). some people have created them for purely evil purposes, i.e. point funneling people they like, or pgeing people they hate, or people that they are currently competing against with their main. lame. i consider this a form of scheming, and also a form of pussiness. if you want to win a month or fuck someone, dont fucking hide behind a supersecret alt. also, in the above two scenarios, ppl will quickly start to wonder if you are truly a noob or an obv supersecret alt, and the paranoid ppl will start doing the standard snoops to check out your history and try to get to the truth.

also in the past, some people have tried to create secret alts, which are diff from supersecret alts. secret alts were created to fuck shit up, without wanting ppl to think they are noobs. they dont care that ppl know its obv they are someone with a huge ego who just wants to fuck shit up. they think they are cool, and whenever asked who they are, they will ALWAYS respond first with, Ryan. then rnd. just to show that they are cool. they might even try to act supercool and instead of saying rnd, they will say adam. ZOMG YOU SIR ARE COOL.

anyways, this guide is about supersecret alts, not obv secret alts.


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MOST IMPORTANT ASPECT OF A SUPERSECRET ALT
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remember, as soon as you create the alt, YOU ARE A NOOB. DONT FORGET THIS FOR AT LEAST 3 MONTHS.

five months? wtf, thats a long time. well, if youre serious about going under the radar, then i think 3 months is a minimum effort required. more likely over half a year. lets go over things that noobs do in their first 3 months (usually more like a year):

1) they dont talk. so dont fucking use that chatbox. lets start at the true noob level: 0 tables and 100 tables. when you lose that round 1 4v3, just keep rolling. dont bitch. why? because noobs dont realize they have a keyboard for at least a month, and they dont realize that bitching is an acceptable practice in kdice. the one time someone nailed my supersecret alt back in early 2008 was when i had a standard asspoor building game, and bitched about how terribad my builders were. (i forget the guys name, but he had a hippo av) was like, "monte?", and i was like OH SHIT to myself, but stayed completely silent until i forced him to say, "hey brown, im talking to you. are you monte?" and then i was like OH SHIT, followed by some terrible acting like, "who is monte? why am i monte?" etc etc. he explained that bitching about builders was a monte thing to do, so he was suspicious (apparently at that time, everyone else bitched about stackers*). so i learned my lesson. stfu.

1a) they dont know the terminology. you need to strike the following terms from your vocab: building, pga, otf, truce, teal, 2v1, stab, revolt. ALL OF THEM. on the other hand, dont be painfully obv that you dont know what they refer to. this is a telltale sign of an obv alt. "what is pga?" is probably the most obv sign that you are an alt. why? because any account in its entire playing history, should only ask that question ONCE, and then they would know it from then on. funny how a lot of ppl who are trying to hide a supersecret alt ask that question like every other fucking game. trust me, at some point ppl will start trying to snoop on you, and they might not be sitting every game against you, but they will be lurking. so only ask that question once. afterwards, when you 'know' what pga is, feel free to use it like a noob would: either claim every obv-truce-is-obv to be a pga against you, or when you see others claim that others are pgaing, be like, nahh, i dont think thats pga. whatever. but dont overdo it. try to recall your true noob days, and try to regurgitate them on the table. its not an enjoyable process.

2) they dont use diplomacy. no trucing, no countering, no flagging for 2nd while others fight 1/3. any of that shit. those are obv non-noob strats, SO DONT USE THEM. this tore me up when i had my buried acct, because im a chatbox manipulator at heart, and it sucked having to watch myself get tag teamed when i couldve easily been the one initiating the 2v1 against someone else. the extent of noob diplomacy is yelling PGA at ppl who tag team you. thats it. and once you break into the top tables, yelling that the whole top table community PGAs.

3) they dont maintain any points. back to the 3-month thing. looking at the quickest prodigies in this game (the two i looked at were JeremyS and shad), it took both of them 3 months and 1000+ games before they got their grey medals. (maybe shad got a bronze, i forget.) point being, those guys were fucking prodigies. and when they were noobs, it took them 1000+ games of being noobs before they started to catch onto the finer strats of top tables. even their first couple months were basically several hundreds of games with absolutely nothing to show for them.

there is a learning curve. and if you want to maintain supersecret alt status, you better not try to jump on the steep side of the curve. if you jump to notoriety as fast as shad/JeremyS, ffs, you are an obv alt, and your mission has failed. the average is more like 6 months (if sell yourself as a highly competitive personality) to 12 months (if you sell yourself as an overly nice you-can-walk-all-over-me-and-i-will-smile type personality). so your first several months you should actually be focusing on NOT gaining too many points. you actually have to play stupid a lot. and play quiet a lot, and avoid easy diplomacy.


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HOW TO AVOID DETECTION
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1) have a backstory. if at all possible, dont tie this story to anyone else in kdice. "oh my boyfriend bought me a membership" translates roughtly into "i am a fucking moron because i think thats a believable story." (side note to simon: no noob would ever buy a membership during their first month.) if you tie this story to someone else, then the paranoid snoopers will immediately ask for your friends acct name, and then research their stats, and try to snoop them. it just smells like an alt, so dont give them a trail to sniff down.

your backstory shouldnt overlap with your own story too closely. also try to keep it from overlapping too much with any of your kdice buds stories. like, i would never say im randomly from baltimore, because i would be dead in my tracks when das/wish would start bombarding me with bmore questions. when i created my supersecret alt in 08, i stole my real life brothers story, because it was random enough that i could avoid detection. and fuck it, i know how my real life brother acts/talks, and i can impersonate him pretty well. so i grew up in atlanta, and moved to wyoming. and could talk a ton about either place. very believable story, because it all actually happened. it just wasnt me.

2) be insanely careful about logging into and out of your main. there will be times when someone is spouting shit about your main in the forums, or someone posts some ffb trashtalk or w/e in forums and you want to respond as your main. DO NOT OPEN A SECOND TAB TO DO THIS. log the fuck out of your supersecret alt. then log back in on the tables, then click the forum link ON THE TABLES. this way you are SURE that you will post as your main when you want to and as your alt when you want to. but also be careful about the timing of it all. take 15+ mins between switching out of one and into the other, that way its not like

psalm73.26 has left
montecarlo is here
montecarlo has left
psalm 73.26 is here

3) you actually want to have your main playing games during the months that your supersecret is tooling around on the low tables playing hundreds of games. if your main goes suspiciously absent, when ppl start wondering if your supersecret is a genuine noob or not, the first ppl they will start thinking of are the ones that went awol randomly during the past couple months. so keep your main 'present' whether playing a couple dozen games/tourneys or posting in forums.


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okay thats all ive got for now. i gotta go catch a bus. when i think of more, ill post more for all you turds. remember, theres only one reason to play as a supersecret imo, and to pull it off successfully, you gotta really dedicate yourself and turn down your ego.