go home hahah

find a hooker, get aids - game over.

find a hooker you cannot afford, ask her for her prize, and go home and watch some å pr0n

for extra points, I have heard that there is a place somewhere in nevada where pornstars are selling their services. so you can go, ask for the prize, ask for a discount, ask for the five finger discount, say "OMFG still 30k for one night??? I would not give you that even if it was kdice pts", turn around scream, 5v8 for epic win, run to your hotelroom, find the girl you just saw on the internett, and jerk off to THAT pron instead.

no extra credits if she turns out to be a dude, but if you are into that stuff, you get twice extra credits.

my fave memory from vegas was for my brothers 30th bday, we met up there. and i dropped $600 to rent a dodge viper for a day. i told him he had to break his speed record (130mph in a civic back when he was in college). he got up to 132mph once, then slowed down. we saw a vehicle coming the other way on the highway, had headlights on. next thing we noticed was it was an suv, so my brother ignored it. i then noticed it had something on its roof, and was like SLOW THE FUCK DOWN. except the viper was a convertible and all my brother heard was OM NOM NOM NOMMM. so he was like wtf are you talking about. suv cop flipped on his lights, and brother got busted.

while cop was parked behind us, i look over at my brother and was like, how fast were you going??? his guess was 100-105. cop comes up and asks the standard,
cop: sir do you know how fast you were going?
wes: ummm... 85?
cop: ill ask you one more time. how fast were you going?
wes: maybe 90?
cop: .... well i clocked you going 92.

brother and i try to mask delirium of not getting clocked 10 seconds earlier at 132. cop takes my brother's ID, walks back to his suv. comes back a minute later, hands back the ID, and is like, sir, keep it 85 tops out here please, and starts walking back to his suv. then stops, and says, make that 80. then gets in his suv, and drives off. YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSS. only guess was that maybe he looked at the ID and noticed that day was my brothers 30th bday.

on the way back into town i got to drive. i hit 130 once, but was too scared by every car coming the other way potentially being a cop, bleh. so instead i would drop it down to 20mph in 1st gear (on a 70mph highway, heh), slam it, shift into 2nd around 50-60mph, slam it, shift into 3rd at 110mph, then let off, recycle and repeat. brother was like DAMN why didnt i think of that?

anyways, if this ever happens again, im getting a hardtop, and maybe taking it to a closed course where we can really push it. i mean hell, we never even put it in 6th gear!

good story monte. suriusly

the other part about the viper was that it was a complete surprise to him. so while he was engrossed in a poker game, i grabbed a taxi down to the rental place and picked it up. brought it back to where we were staying (flamingo, lol, but my brother had a comped room), and they asked me if i would valet it, i was like sure. so the plan was to go to a kickass steak place at the MGM that night to celebrate his bday.

i played the first-time-in-vegas card, and was like HEY I WANNA TAKE THE MONORAIL. my bro was like, jesus, the monorail? that is so fuckin lame. i was like, nope, i wanna see this shit. ofc, it was just a plan b/c the monorail entrance was right next to the valet parking at flamingo. so right when we get to the entrance im like wait, LETS GO CHECK OUT VALET if there are any sick cars there. at this point hes tilted already from the monorail idea, so he just plays along, sorta pissed off.

get down to the valet, theres the bright red viper parked right out front, and im like, CHECK THAT OUT. he was so tilted that he decided to play along and walked up to it and the valet dude, and was like, hey man, thanks, and puts out his hand for the keys. i give the valet a nod, and hes like, thank you sir, and gives the keys to my brother who is like, whoa whoa whoa, thats not my car, i dont want to get in trouble here. and im like, yah man, happy bday, lets go eat some steak, hand the valet $10 and climb in the passenger seat.

brother is like WHAT THE FUUUUUUCK???!??!!? and after the initial shock is like, GODDAMMIT you gotta tell me this BEFORE I DRINK 10 MAKERS MARKS AT THE POKER TABLE. so i got to chauffeur him to the MGM, lol.

but man, that car was sick. for those of yall who have no experience with a viper, its turning radius is WIDE AS SHIT. when i was pulling off the rental lot onto the strip, like a noob, i needed two lanes of traffic to stop for me, because i assumed it could turn like any regular car. also, took several tries before i got the shifting down without this nasty metallic grinding noise coming out, and everyone within a block turning and looking at me. oops.

but it was fun, stopped at a red light, group of like six college kids is walking by the crosswalk with drinks, and are like OH SHIT NICE, then one of them walks up to my door and strikes a pose, while the other guys whip out their cameras. one of the cameraguys is like, "BALLLLAAAAA", and the dude next to my door holds up his drink and is like, "BALLLLAAAAAAHHHH". then the light turned green and i smh and pulled away.