he tanked on purpose.

Yeah he took 4 hours to lose 4k, it took int 20 minutes to lose 14k. ;-)

why?

NOTE: I typed this mostly as a cathartic thing for myself, so be warned that reading the rest of this rambling post'd probably be a waste of your time, even more so than playing kdice ;)

Lol int did most of it, but yeah I tanked on purpose cos I'm a sad soul who couldn't quite kick his kdice addiction. :X

Originally, I'd resolved to quit while leaving my main (bengarchy) with nice round scores of 20,000 and 2,000 in its final 2 months. But maybe just a *few* games now and then on alts like this wouldn't hurt cos they "don't count", heh. Denial rocks.

100 games later, ~30 games a day, and up to 3rd, I realized I'd never stop. Even if I tried sitting on the points it'd be a continual temptation later on in the month, like "c'mon just a few games more" to keep myself in top 10, or 25, or something.

Still, I couldn't get up the nerve to tank properly. I merely started to play games rather randomly, not caring one whit bout points, which unfortunately got so fun that I played another 30 games that day! Man I suck.

Then yesterday, I managed to bring myself to start autoflagging, but only 1 table at a time, cos I weirdly still had the urge to be involved somehow. Maybe kill some islands or move away to let others connect before, so I wouldn't feel utterly useless. But I'd get good starts and sometimes wouldn't be able to resist playing them out, at least for awhile. Also I halfheartedly felt like staying above 10k so I'd be able to get at least 1 game in. Sigh.

Finally, int showed me the light! I guess subconsciously I hadn't really really really wanted to tank. But as I watched all my 18k worth of virtual points dribble away, and the absurd sight of me playing at a 2.5k table with 0 points, I couldn't help but crack a smile. (=

Anyhoo, I'm off, thanks ppl for the interesting times! Don't wanna over-dramatize a farewell or anything, nobody really cares bout me anyway =p

G'luck all,
Beng

"nobody really cares bout me anyway =p"
- that's a rather sad statement.......But such is life......

I like his style.

hah ben , good luck have fun , hope to hear u soon ... i hope ur not as suicidal in real life ... ^_^

Beng, I hate to see you leave but I understand why you had to take the tanking measure to stop playing.

I hope to see you back some day at the kdice tables when the urge to just play for fun is back. Good luck in your other activities in life. Choose well how you will fill up all that free time from quitting kdice.

Why don't I have all those cool graphs in my profile? I also like pie charts