Whales are an enormous nuisance.

I hate whales and you should too.

Whales are stupid and dangerous, that’s all there is to it. Unlike dolphins, whales are some of the dumbest creatures on the planet—too fat to ever make the transition to survive on land, too foolish to learn to breath underwater.

Instead of clever dolphin-like chirps and whistles, they leave a wake of gargles, burps and fart noises for miles around that threatens national security by interfering with the Coastal Underwater Networked Tactical Sonar (C.U.N.T.S.) They are a drain on our resources, our safety, our productivity, and our time.

Also ... if anyone can give me a ride to the grocery store i would appreciate it.